Awkward and the Witch
by Books-R-Better-Than-People
Summary: Wybie is a teenager who lives in a small village, Coraline is a princess turned witch. Can her free her from from the curse that’s been plaguing her for years?
1. The Beginning

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young princess lived in a shining castle. Although she had everything her heart desired, the princess was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

One stormy night, a beautiful winter ball was held by the princess in the gorgeous golden ball room. She only allowed the most attractive of people. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle, startling the guests. In exchange for shelter from the harsh winter, she offered the princess a single rose.

But the princess only accepted precious jewels and turned her away, but she warned her not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when she dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress, donning black silky clothing with rubies that form gorgeous designs, her hair, short yet so gorgeous and so shiny, but what was very unnerving was that her eyes were replaced with shiny black buttons.

Her appearance was so bright, that he guests of the ball had to shield their eyes.

The princess tried to apologize and fell to her knees for forgiveness, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in her heart, and as punishment, she transformed the golden castle, into a castle of darkness, hose who lived there, turned to furniture, and as for the princess, her hair turned jet black, her fingers, needles, and her eyes turn to black buttons.

Ashamed of her form, the princess concealed herself inside her castle, with a magic mirror as her only window to the outside world. The rose the enchantress had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until her twentieth year. If she could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, she would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

As the years passed, she fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a witch?


	2. Meet Wybie

(In a small village, and young teen named

Wybie walked out his home. He wore a white long-sleeved shirt underneath a dark grey (not black) vest, with black pants, and brown boots. He's carrying a brown bag, containing a book, as he walked deeper into the village marketplace)

Wybie: Little town, it's a quiet village Every day, like the one before Little town, full of little people Waking up to say...

Townsfolk 1: Bonjour!

Townsfolk 2: Bonjour!

Townsfolk 3: Bonjour!

Townsfolk 4: Bonjour!

Townsfolk 5: Bonjour!

Wybie: There goes the baker with his tray like always The same old bread and rolls to sell Ev'ry morning just the same Since the morning that we came To this poor provincial town...

Baker: Good morning, Wyborne!

(Wybie over to the bakery)

Wybie: Morning Monsieur!

Baker: Morning Wyborne. Where are you off to?

Wybie: The bookshop. I just finished this amazing story, about...

Baker: (Ignoring him) That's nice...Alice, the baguettes! Hurry up!!

School Children: Look there he goes, that boy is strange no question!

Teacher: Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?

Women: Never part of any crowd.

Cause his head's up on some cloud

Townsfolk: No denying he's a funny boy, that guy!

(Wybie jumps on the back of a wagon and rides through town)

Driver: Bonjour!

Woman 2: Good day!

Driver: How is your family?

Woman 3: Bonjour!

Merchant: Good day!

Woman 3: How is your wife?

Woman 4: I need six eggs!

Man 1: That's too expensive!

Wybie: There must be more than this provincial life! (He enters the bookshop)

Bookseller: Ah, Wybie!

Wybie: Morning. I've come to return the book I borrowed.

Bookseller: (Putting the book back on the shelf) Finished already?

Wybie: Well, I couldn't put it down. Have you got anything new?

Bookseller: (laughing) Not since yesterday.

Wybie: Alright then. I'll borrow... this one. (He pulls out a red book)

Bookseller: That one? But you've read it twice!

Wybie: Well it's my favorite. Far off places, sword fights, magic spells, a royal in disguise...

Bookseller: (handing him the book) Well, if you like it all that much, it's yours!

Wybie: Seriously?

Bookseller: I insist!

Wybie: Thanks! (He leaves the bookshop)

Townsfolk: Look there he goes

That boy is so peculiar!

I wonder if he's feeling up to brim!

With a dreamy far-off look!

And his nose stuck in a book!

What a puzzle to the rest of us is him!

(Wybie sits on the edge of a fountain, and starts reading)

Wybie: Oh! Isn't this amazing! It's my favorite part because, you'll see! Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three!

Woman 5: Now it's a mystery why his name means 'why born'. He has got no parallel!

Merchant: But behind that kind facade I'm afraid he's rather odd Very different from the rest of us...

Townsfolk: He's nothing like the rest of us Yes different from the rest of us is Wyborne.

(Geese are flying overhead, one is shot and plummets to the ground. John, a short teen boy with brown messy hair, wearing a grey shirt accompanied by a blue vest, a brown waistcoat and pants, and black boots runs over, holds out the bag, and misses catching the prize. He returns to Ivey, a beautiful teenaged girl with dirty blonde hair, a red short-sleeved buttoned up shirt, a black knee length skirt, and brown boots)

John: Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Ivey! You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!

Ivey: I know!

John: Huh. No beast alive stands a chance against you...and no boy for that matter!

Ivey: Exactly, Joey, and I've got my sights set on that one! (Pointing to Wybie)

John: The landlord's grandson?

Ivey: He's the one! The lucky guy I'm going to marry.

John: But he's--

Ivey: The most good looking guy in town.

John: I know--

Ivey: And that makes him the best. And don't I deserve the best?

John: Well of course, I mean you do, but I mean...

Ivey: Right from the moment when I met him, saw him, I said he's gorgeous and I fell

Here in town there's only he (Wybie walks by and away) Who is good looking as me So I'm making plans to woo and marry Wyborne

Himbos: Look there she goes, isn't she lovely Madam Ivey, oh he's so beaut Be still my heart, I'm hardly breathing She's such a tall, dark, fine and gorgeous gal

(Wybie walks easily through the crowd of people in the town, Ivey struggles to catch up to him)

Man 1: Bonjour!

Ivey: Pardon!

Man 2: Good day!

Man 3: Mais oui!

Woman 1: You call this bacon?

Woman 2: What lovely grapes!

Man 4: Some cheese!

Woman 3: Ten yards!

Man 4: One pound

Ivey: 'Scuse me!

Man 4: I'll get the knife!

Ivey: Please let me through!

Woman 4: This bread!

Man 5: Those fish!

Woman 4: It's stale!

Man 5: They smell!

Man 6: Madame's mistaken!

Wybie: There must be more than this provincial life!

All: Well maybe so...

Ivey: Just watch I'm going to be his wife!

(The townsfolk gather around Ivey, and eventually surround her)

All: Look there he goes a boy who's strange but special A most peculiar mad'monsieur It's a pity and a sin He doesn't quite fit in!

But she really is a funny guy

A good looking but funny guy

He really is a funny guy! That Wyborne!

(Wybie turned around but he shrugged when he just saw that the townsfolk were just walking around as usual so he shrugs, turned back around and kept on reading)

Ivey: Hello, Wyborne.

Wybie: Bonjour Ivey. (Ivey grabs the book from him) Can I have my book?

Ivey: How can you even read this? There's no pictures!

Wybie: Well, some people use their minds.

Ivey: Wybs, it's about time you got your head out of those books (Tosses the book into the mud) and paid attention to more important things...like me!

(The Himbos, who are looking on, sigh)

(Wybie has picked up the book and is cleaning off the mud)

Wybie: Thanks, but no thanks.

Ivey: (She's not giving up that easily) Hey, whaddya say you and me take a walk over to the tavern and have a look at my hunting trophies.

Wybie: Maybe some other time.

Himbo 1: What's wrong with him?

Himbo 2: He's crazy!

Himbo 3: She's gorgeous!

Wybie: Ivey. I can't. I have to get home and help my gramma with the rent.

Ivey: That tyrant?! (She and John laugh heartily)

Wybie: Don't you talk about my gramma that way!

John: Yeah, don't talk about his gramma that way! (He gets conked on the head by Ivey)

Wybie: My gramma is not crazy! She's just... Eccentric.

(All of a sudden, a man is seen running out of the Pink Palace with his suitcase, and a scared look on his face. Lucile or, Lucy Lovat, An old woman wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, a yellow dress, and red flats appears in the doorway holding a pitchfork)

Lucile: That's what happens when you don't pay the rent!

Wybie: ... (He sighs) Hey, gramma.

Lucile: (Her temper cools when she sees her only grandson) Oh, hello Wyborne.

(Ivey and John exchange looks)

**I don't know where I got 'Lucile', I just thought the name seemed nice**


	3. Prisoner

(Back at the house, Lucile is seen packing for a landlord convention while Wybie reads)

Lucile: So, did you have a good time in town today?

Wybie: Yeah, I got a new book... Gramma, do you think I'm weird?

Lucile: My grandson? Weird? (She packs an axe in her suitcase) Where would you get an idea like that?

Wybie: Oh, I don't know. It's just, that I'm not sure I fit in here. There's no one I can really talk to.

Lucile: What about that Ivey? She's quite a catch!

Wybie: And conceited.

Lucile: ... Yeah, there's that. (She looks around) Now, where did I put my dagger?

Wybie: By the fireplace. (A black cat rests by his side)

(We cut to later in the day)

Wybie: Good bye, Gramma! Try not to hurt anyone.

Lucile: No promises! (She rides off on Phillipe, and they continue on their journey until they become lost)

...We should be there by now. Maybe we missed a turn... (They come to a fork in the road)

(She lifts her lantern to illuminate the sign giving directions to Anaheim and Valencia)

Lucile: Let's go this way!

(Phillipe looks right, at a dark, overgrown path, then left towards a more inviting route, then begins to go left)

Lucile: Come on, Phillipe! It's a shortcut. We'll be there in no time!

(Phillipe and Lucile continue through the dark)

Lucile: This can't be right. Where have you taken us, Phillipe?... We'd better turn around and...

(A swarm of bats fly out of a tree. Phillipe runs through the forest)

Whoa!...whoa boy! Oh, oh! Look out!

(Phillipe runs around avoiding everything until he almost runs over the edge of a cliff)

Lucile: Back up! Back up! Back up... Good boy, good boy. That's good, Steady. Steady! Hey now. Steady. (Phillipe finally bucks her off) Phillipe!

(Phillipe runs away, leaving Lucile on the edge of the cliff) Lucile: Phillipe! Come back! (She looks up and sees wolves growling at her. Lucile runs away, being chased by the wolves. She stumbles down a hill, and lands at the gate of a castle. She grabs the locked gate and tries to shake it open)

Help! Is someone there?

(The gate opens, and Lucile runs in. She slams the gate in the faces of the wolves. Leaving her shawl on the ground as the rain begins to fall, Lucile runs to the castle and bangs on the door. It creaks open and she enters, cautiously)

Lucile: Hello?

(Watching from a table near the entrance are Charlie and Mel; A candelabra and a clock)

Charlie: (Barely whispering) The poor lady must have lost her way in the woods.

Mel: (Also whispering) Keep quiet! Maybe she'll go away.

Lucile: Is someone there?

Mel: Not a word, Charlie. Not one word!

Lucile: I don't mean to intrude, but I've lost my horse and I need a place to stay for the night.

Charlie: (looking at Mel like a child having just found a lost puppy) Oh Mel, have a heart.

Mel: Shhhhhh! (She puts hand over Charlie's mouth, who promptly proceeds to touch his lit candle hand to Mel's hand) Ow ow Ow OW OW OUCH!!!!!

Charlie: Of course, madame, you are welcome here.

Lucile: (looking around in confusion) Who said that? (She picks up the candlestick for light, not realizing that the speaker is in her hand)

Charlie: (Tapping her on the shoulder) Over here!

Lucile: (Spins around, pulling Charlie to the other side) Where?

Charlie: (Taps Lucile on the side of the head. Lucile looks at him) Hello!

Lucile: Oh!!

(Startled, she drops Charlie onto the floor) Unbelievable!

Mel: (hopping over) Well, now you've done it, Charlie. Splendid, just peachy--aaarrrgghh!

(Lucile picks up Mel)

Lucile: How is this possible? (She fiddles with Mel's clock hands)

Mel: (Blushes) Oh, my! (She pushes her hands away) Don't touch those!

Lucile: I beg your pardon, it's just that I've never seen a clock that can talk.

Charlie: Oh, never mind us. Look at you. You're soaked to the bone, madame. Come, warm yourself by the fire.

Lucile: Thank you.

(Charlie and Lucile head towards the den, with Mel running after them)

Mel: No, no, no, do you know what the master would do if she finds you here. (The witch is watching the action from an overhead walkway, and rushes off as the trio enters the den) I ask that you stop...right...there!

(Mel hops down the steps. Lucile takes a seat in a large chair in front of a roaring fire)

Oh no, not the master's chair!

(A footstool rushes past Mel, barking up a storm) I'm not seeing this, I'm not seeing this.

Lucile: (As footstool rushes up to her) Well, hello there, boy.

(Footstool props himself up under her boots. A coatrack enters and removes her cloak) The housekeepers who work in my apartments are never this good!

Mel: All right, this has gone far enough. I'm in charge here, and- (A teacart rolls past her)

Ms. Forcible: (Arriving by the side of Lucile) How would you like a nice spot of tea, ma'am? It'll warm you up in no time.

(Pours tea into cup (Ms. Spink), who hops over into Lucile's open hand)

Mel: Ugh! This isn't happening!

Ms. Spink: Hope you like earl grey.

Lucile: (Chuckles to herself) Of course the teacup talks.

(The door to the den slams open and a strong gust of wind blows into the room, extinguishing Charlie's flames and the fire in the fireplace. Mel dives for cover. Forcible begins to shake out of fear. Spink jumps back onto the tea cart and takes refuge from behind the teapot)

Ms. Spink: Uh oh!

(The witch enters. She looks around in the darkness)

Witch: There's a stranger here.

Charlie: (who has re-lit his flames) Master, allow me to explain. The lady was lost in the woods and she was cold and...

(Charlie's last sentence is drowned out by sudden thunder and lightning. Charlie looks down, dejected)

Mel: (Coming out from under a rug) Master, I'd like to take this moment to say...I was against this from the start. I tried to stop them, but would they listen to me? No, no, no!

(Again, the thunder and lightning drowns out Mel, and her clock hands pop off. She looks around for the witch, but doesn't see her where she was standing before. Lucile looks to one side of the chair, then to the other and sees the witch)

Witch: Who are you! What are you doing here?

Lucile: (Somewhat scared and backing away from the advancing witch) I was lost in the woods and... (stares at the witch)

Witch: (Advancing on her) You are not welcome here!... What are you staring at?

Lucile: (Putting on a brave face) Nothing! (Turns to leave)

Witch: (Racing around and blocking the entrance with surprising speed) So, you've come to stare at the witch, have you?

Lucile: I ain't looking for trouble! I just needed a place to stay... (She pulls a dagger out of her boot, and holds it up to the witch)

Witch: (She bends the dagger with her magic, shocking Lucile) I'll give you a place to stay!

(The witch picks up Lucile with her magic, once again shocking her. She carries her out of the room and slams the door, plunging the den, along with Mel, Charlie, Spink, and Forcible into darkness)


	4. Chapter 4

(Back in the village)

John: Heh! Oh boy! Wybie's gonna get the surprise of his life, huh Ivey?

Ivey: Yep. This is his lucky day!

(Ivey lets go of a branch, which swings back and hits John in the mouth. Ivey turns to the band, wedding guests and others, apparently just out of sight of Wybie's house)

Ivey: I'd like to thank you all for coming to my wedding. But first, I better go in there and... propose to the lucky guy!

(The wedding guests laugh heartily, but the Himbos are crying their eyes out)

Ivey: Now, Joel.

John: It's John.

Ivey: Whatever. When Wybie and I come out that door--

John: Oh I know, I know!

(He turns and begins directing the band in "Here Comes the Bride." Ivey slams a baritone over his head)

Ivey: Not yet!

John: (From inside the instrument, with his lips sticking out the mouthpiece) Sorry!

(In the cottage, Wybie is sitting in a chair reading his book. There is a knock at the door. He puts the book down and walks to a window. He looks through it and sees Ivey. He groans, walks over to the door, and pushes it open)

Wybie: Ivey, what a pleasant...surprise.

Ivey: Isn't it though? I'm just full of surprises.You know, Wybs, There's not a guy in town who wouldn't love to be in your shoes. This is the day... (She pauses by a mirror and cleans her teeth) This is the day your dreams come true.

Wybie: What do you even know about my dreams, Ivey?

Ivey: Plenty. Here, picture this.

(She plops down in the chair and props her mud-covered boots up on Wybie's book)

A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting on the fire, and my husband, massaging my shoulders, while the little ones play with the dogs.

(Wybie looks positively disgusted. Ivey gets up next to his face) We'll have six or seven.

Wybie: Dogs?

Ivey: No! Strapping young ladies, like me!

Wybie: (Unamused) Wow. Imagine that. (He picks up his book, places a mark in it, and puts it on the shelf)

Ivey: And do you know who that husband will be?

Wybie: Let me guess...

Ivey: (Corners Wybie) You, Wybs!

Wybie: (Ducking under Ivey's arms) Ivey, I'm speechless. I really don't know what to say.

Ivey: (Pushing chairs and things out of the way until she reaches Wybie and traps him against the door) Just say you'll marry me.

Wybie: (Reaching for the doorknob) I'm very sorry, Ivey, but I just don't deserve you. Also... You can't handle this.

(He twists the knob and the door opens. Wybie ducks under Ivey as she tumbles out the door and to the ground. The wedding band begins to play "Here Comes the Bride."- The door is slammed shut. John, who is directing the band, looks down and sees Ivey on the ground. John cuts off the band)

John: So, how'd it go?

Ivey: (Picks up John by the neck) I'll have Wyborne for my husband, make no mistake about that, Joey! (Ivey drops John into the dirt)

John: Touchy!

(Ivey walks off, dejected, and the focus returns to the cottage. Wybie opens the door slightly)

Wybie: (To the cat) Is she gone?

(The cat pokes his head out, then goes back in, and nods)

Can you imagine, she asked me to marry her! Me!

The husband of tha-that conceited, crude...

Monsieur Ivey, can't you just see it Monsieur Ivey, her husband Not me, no ma'am, I guarantee it I want much more than this provincial life...

(He walks into the pen and feeds the animals, then, with his cat, runs off into an open field overlooking a beautiful valley)

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere... I want it more than I can tell... And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...

(Phillipe runs into the open field. Wybie looks at him, disturbed that Lucile is not with him)

Wybie: Phillipe! What are you doing here? Where's Gramma? Where is she, Phillipe? What happened? We have to find her, you have to take me to her!

(Wybie unhitches the wagon from Phillipe, and he takes him to the castle where Lucile was last seen. What he failed to notice was that the cat hat sneakers into his bag. Cut to exterior of the castle gate. How Phillipe brought Wybie there is a mystery, seeing as he never made it to the castle with Lucile)

Wybie: What is this place?

(Phillipe snorts, then begins to buck as if something is scaring him. Wybie dismounts and comforts him)

Wybie: Phillipe, it's alright.

(He enters the gate and sees Lucile's jacket on the ground)

(Cut to interior of castle with Mel and Charlie discussing events)

Mel: Couldn't keep quiet, could we. Just had to invite her to stay, didn't we? Serve her tea, sit in the master's chair, pet the dog.

Charlie: I was trying to be hospitable.

(Cut back to door opening and Wybie entering the castle)

Wybie: Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? Gramma, are you here?


	5. The New Prisoner

(Wybie ascends the grand staircase and searches for Lucile. We transition to the kitchen where Ms. Forcible is standing next to a tub of hot water. Ms. Spink hops in)

Ms. Spink: Miriam! There's a boy in the castle!

Ms. Forcible: (not believing her story) Of course there is; and you call me blind.

Ms. Spink: I saw him. He's about her height, curly hair, a nice jawline, but then there's that slouch.

Ms. Forcible: A slouch. Really?

(Cut back to Charlie and Mel bickering)

Mel: Irresponsible, slack-jawed-

Wybie: Gramma?

(Charlie and Mel turn to look at the new arrival)

Charlie Did you see that? (He and Mel run to the door and pokes their heads around the corner) It's a boy!

Mel: I know it's a boy.

Charlie: Don't you see? He's the one. The boy we have been waiting for. He has come to break the spell! (He chases after him)

Mel: Wait a minute, wait a minute!

(Wybie advances down a narrow hallway. Charlie and Mel sneak up behind him and open the door that leads to the tower where Lucile is being kept. The door creaks open and Wybie hears the sound)

Wybie: Gramma? Gramma?

(Mel hides behind the door and Charlie rushes off)

Wybie: Hello? Is someone here? Wait! I'm looking for my gramma! (He begins up the stairs, but doesn't realize that Charlie is watching him) I-I-Is there anyone here?

(Lucile's voice echoes from her cell)

Lucile: Wyborne?

Wybie: (He rushes up to the cell to find her) Gramma!

Lucile: How did you find me?

Wybie: No time to explain. (He pulls a lock picking kit out of his bag and hears a soft purring. He looks in his bag, and finds the car) How did you- Never mind. (He tries to unlock the cell door)

Lucile: Wyborne, I need you to leave this place.

Wybie: Who did this to you?

Lucile: There's no time to explain. You need to go now!

Wybie: I won't leave you!

(Suddenly, the witch grabs Wybie's shoulder and whips him around. He drops the torch he was carrying into a puddle and the room is dark except for one beam of light from a skylight)

Witch: What are you doing here?

Lucile: Run, Wybie! (Oh, she's really serious. She used his nickname)

Wybie: Who are you?

Witch: The master of this castle.

Wybie: I've come for my grandmother. Please let her out! Can't you see she's sick?

Witch: Then she shouldn't have trespassed here.

Wybie: But she could die. Please, I'll do anything!

Witch: There's nothing you can do. She's my prisoner.

Wybie: ... T-take me, instead!

Witch: ... You would take her place?

Lucile: Wyborne! No! You don't know what you're doing!

Wybie: I-if I did, w-would you let her go?

Witch: Yes, but you must promise to stay here forever.

(Wybie ponders the situation and realizes he can't see the captor)

Wybie: Come into the light.

(The witch drags her legs, then her whole body into the beam of light. Wybie looks, his eyes growing wider until he can stand no more and falls back to Lucile)

Lucile: No, Wyborne. I won't let you do this!

Wybie: ... You have my word.

Witch: (quickly) Done!

(The witch moves over to unlock the cell. Lucile rushes over to Wybie.)

Lucile: No, Wyborne. Listen to me. I'm old, I've lived my life- (The witch grabs her and drags her downstairs)

Wybie: Wait!

Lucile: Wyborne!

Wybie: Stop!

(The witch drags Lucile towards palanquin)

Lucile: No, please! Spare my grandson!

Witch: He's no longer your concern. (Shr throws Lucile into the palanquin) Take her to the village.

(The palanquin breaks the ivy holding it to the ground, then slinks off like a spider with Lucile inside)

Lucile: Let me out!

(Wybie looks out cell window at the palanquin crossing the bridge over the moat. He tries to hold back his tears. The witch walks up the stairs. Charlie is still at his post)

Charlie: Master?

Witch: (angrily) What?!

Charlie: Since the boy is going to be with us for quite some time, I was thinking that you might want to offer him a more comfortable room. (She hisses angrily at him) Then again, maybe not.

(The witch enters the cell where Wybie is sitting on the cold, hard floor)

Wybie: You didn't even let me say good bye. I'll never see her again. I didn't get to say good-bye.

Witch: (feeling bad, but trying her best not to show it) I'll show you to your room.

Wybie: (surprised) My room? (Indicating the cell) But I thought-

Witch: You wanna stay in the tower?

Wybie: No.

Witch: Then follow me.

(She leads Wybie to his room. As they proceed, Wybie begins to lag behind. He looks at the hideous sculptures on the walls and the light casting shadows on them. He gasps and runs to catch up with the witch, who is carrying Charlie as a light source. The witch looks back at Wybie, and sees a tear beginning to form at the corner of his eye)

Charlie: Say something to him.

Witch: Hmm? Oh. (To Wybie) I...um...hope you like it here. (She looks at Charlie for approval. He motions her to continue) The castle is your home now, so you can go anywhere you wish, except the West Wing.

Wybie: (looking intrigued) What's in the West Wing?

Witch: (stopping angrily) It's forbidden!

(The witch continues, and Wybie reluctantly follows. They arrive in the dark guest room. When the witch opens the door, light spills in)

Witch: (Tenderly) Now, if there's anything you need, my servants will attend you.

Charlie: (whispering to her) Dinner-invite him to dinner.

Witch: (Growing angry) You...will join me for dinner. That's not a request!

(The witch leaves, slamming the door behind her. Wybie, somehow unnerved, tosses his bag on the bed in a fit of rage, then sits on the edge of his bed. The cat crawls out, and glares at him a bit)

Wybie: Sorry, I just... She didn't even... She's such a... Ugh! (He lies back on the bed, and the cat lays on his face; muffled) Not helping.


	6. Ivey

Ivey: Who does he think he is? That boy has tangled with the wrong girl! No one says 'no' to Ivey!

John: Darn right!

Ivey: Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated. Why, it's more than I can bear. (She turns her chair away)

John: (Runs in front of her) More beer?

Ivey: (Turns her chair away again) What for, Joel? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

John: Who, you? Never? Ivey, you've got to pull yourself together

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Ivey

Looking so down in the dumps

Every gal here'd love to be you, Ivey

(Cheering from the gallery)

Even when taking your lumps

There's no dame in town as admired as you

You're everyone's favorite gal

Everyone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why!

No... One's... slick as Ivey

No one's quick as Ivey

No one's next as incredibly thick as Ivey

For there's no gal in town half as fierce!

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tam, Dina, or Samantha

And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on!

Tavern: No... One's... been like Ivey, a Queen-pin like Ivey

John: No one's got a swell cleft in her chin like Ivey!

Ivey: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Tavern: My, what a gal that Ivey!

Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips

John: Ivey's the best, and the rest is all drips!

(He swings up his arm in dance and throws a mug of beer in Ivey's face, who socks John in the face)

Tavern: No... One... fights like Ivey, no one bites like Ivey.

Wrestler: In a wrestling match, nobody smites like Ivey!

Himbos: For there's no one so fierce and so brawny.

Ivey: As you see I've got biceps to spare

John: Not a bit of her scraggly or scrawny

Ivey: That's right! And I've got a majestic full head of golden hair!

Tavern: No... One... Hits like Ivey, matches wits like Ivey

John: In a spitting match, nobody spits like Ivey!

Ivey: I'm especially good at expectorating! (Spits into a spittoon)

Tavern: Ten points for Ivey!

Ivey: When I was a youngin' I ate four dozen eggs

Every morning to keep my muscles at large!

And now years later, I eat five dozen eggs

My biceps are roughly the size of a barge!

Tavern: No... One... Shoots like Ivey, makes those beauts like Ivey!

John: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Ivey!

Ivey: I use antlers in all of my decorating!

Tavern: My what a gal! Ivey!!!!!!!

(The patrons have picked up the chair and carry Ivey around in it. John tries to flee, but they toss the chair into its normal place, and John is pinned underneath. Lucile bursts in frantically)

Lucile: Help! Someone help me!

Old man: Lucile? I promise I'll pay the rent!

Lucile: Not that! But I will get back to you on this. I need your help! She's got him. She's got him locked in the dungeon.

John: Who?

Lucile: Wyborne. We must go. N-not a minute to lose!

Ivey: Whoa! Slow down, Lucile. Who's got Wybie locked in a dungeon?

Lucile: A witch! A horrible, evil witch!

(She has gone from person to person, pleading her case, until she is thrown at the feet of Ivey. A moment of silence, then the patrons begin to laugh and mock her)

Crony 1: Is it a scary witch?

Lucile: Terrifying!

Crony 2: With long mangy hair?

Lucile: Hideously ugly!

Corny 3: And sharp, cruel claws?

Lucile: Yes, yes! Will you help me?

Ivey: All right, old gal. We'll help you out.

Lucile: You will? Oh thank you, thank you!

(The cronies escort Lucile out the door then once she's out, they barricade it)

Crony 1: Crazy old Lucile. She's always good for a laugh!

Ivey: (Very pensive) Crazy old Lucy, hmm? Crazy old Lucy. Hmmm? John, I'm afraid I've been thinking. (John is still under the chair)

John: A dangerous pastime--

Ivey: (finishing line) I know, but that wacky old coot is Wyborne's grandmother, and her sanity's only so-so

Now the wheels in my head have been turning since I looked at that loony old woman. nSee I promised myself I'd be married to Wybs, and right now I'm evolving a plan! (She picks John out from under the chair, holds his head close, and whispers)

Ivey: If I...(whisper)

John: Yes?

Ivey: Then I...(whisper)

John: No, would he?

Ivey: (whispering)...GUESS!

John: Now I get it!

Both: Let's go! (They begin a waltz around the floor as they sing)

No one plots like Ivey, takes cheap shots like Ivey!

John: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Ivey!

All: So her marriage we soon'll be celebrating! My what a gal, Ivey!!!

Lucile: (To no one in particular) Will no one help me?


End file.
